lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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