We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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