Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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