she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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