dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
