im about as happy as oj after his trial
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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