I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
