im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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