So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
