So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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