She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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