I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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