Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
