put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
