Someone shit on the floor
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
