i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
