Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
