woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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