Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
