I wanna bring you to show and tell
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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