Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
