planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
