what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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