Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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