Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
