for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
