i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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