So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
