9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
