I am puke
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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