Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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