so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
