I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
