Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
