Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
A+ Viking dick
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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