you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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