so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
