Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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