I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
