My cat gives me a boner
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
