I think I have vodka in my lungs
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
