Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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