Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
