Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
