where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
