Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
