The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
