Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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