He uses pillows to masturbate.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize