Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
