she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think your dad took our porno
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize