it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
