Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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