All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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