i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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