You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
