I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
