he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize