he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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