You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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