im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize