I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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