I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
