guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
