alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
