thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
