So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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