my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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