Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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