In the future we'll all be gay
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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