hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
