He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
