I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
