turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
