totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
not ubering you a puppy
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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