Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
