I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
