I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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