a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
