im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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