Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
