I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
