take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize