I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
