Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
