Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
