I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
