i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
