Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
