This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
