haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
well you can't waste a boner
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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