3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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